Ni Hao! (and stuff)

Last week I was cleaning off my desk at work--I usually only do that when I get mad and swear I'm not ever going back. Of course somehow reality sets in and I remember that I CAN'T quit because I have spent too much money, and am now being held accountable for caving to my (and my kids') every whim.

So, I was cleaning off my desk and found this fortune from a past Chinese fortune cookie. The saying made me laugh because I'm sure I saved it thinking I needed to have it around propel me to a new job. But I started thinking how it might motivate someone else more so.

Say for instance, a woman who's been in labor for 15 hours and is now waiting to get to that long awaited step...
I got this one yesterday and oh how I thought myself worthy to receive it. You see I had just my daughter with me and so all of my attention was focused on her and her alone. Okay maybe some of it was focused on the delicious Chinese meal before me but 90 percent of it was focused on my lip-smacking-open mouth-chewing-finger licking daughter in front of me.

I could take the lip smacking and open mouth chewing but when they handed us the steaming hot towels and she began to bathe her arms, neck and entire face in it I was, well, wanting to crawl under the table and stay there until the restaurant closed. So to me this fortune helped me reign in my steam and replace it with patience as I reminded her softly how we are to behave in such a place.
My daughter got a fortune too. She rendered it useless. Me? I found it would have been perfect for me today.

The future pilot and I were doing errands. At the top of the list was finding myself a good pair of running shoes. Do you like them?
Don't they make my feet look small and dainty? Like a princess?
No? Okay, I'm really glad you didn't say it out loud. Or if you did that I couldn't HEAR you say it. I really should stop kidding myself. A size 9 and a HALF WWWIDE is not small and dainty. But if I close my eyes and think hard I can almost imagine slipping my soft and slender unbarnacled toes into the size 7 I wore before kids (and barnacles).

After we got the shoe shopping out of the way, got a bite to eat AND Starbucks coffee--because now that I am seriously trying to quit, the future pilot has decided he is a coffee drinker. Relax people. It was decaf. I also cut it with quite a bit of milk. After all of those stops we went to the pond nearby to check out fish, turtles, frogs and snakes--should there be any to see.

Fish-check, turtles-check, frogs-check check check (prolific little things), snake-no check (thank you God).

It was a perfect day for this. The sun was out. The crisp fall breeze blowing just enough to keep us cool. And then. It happened. The future pilot announced he was STILL dry. "That's wonderful." I said.

I mean what else would I say? He doesn't use the potty. He sits on the potty only before bathtime. Bathtime does not occur every night. No picking on me here. I don't like to torture children and he does act tortured when forced. But he was dry.

Then he announced he needed to go. I was thinking, "Yea, so go." but said, "Hmm, want to go to Grandma's?" (Since she lived close by.) "No." he said. "I fink dey have one here." I told him he was probably right but blew it off. A few minutes passed and he told me he had to go bad. I was thinking, "He didn't already go? Am I missing an opportunity?"

We headed to a bookstore nearby and by land if he didn't perform! That is when I thought, "Oh this fortune works perfectly."
Of course this left me in the middle of a large bookstore and of course the books started sending subliminal messages. "Must buy books. Must buy books." So of course I thought I needed to buy books. I started to read one that was called "My Lobotomy" by Howard Dully. I wanted to read it but it was going to be a sad read and I really need to stop reading sad books because they depress me and that isn't the direction I'm trying to go.

Then I remembered hearing about this book when I was getting my very first pedicure. Nice job don'tcha think? Especially since this was done over a month ago.
So this is the book I ended up purchasing for myself.
I'll let you know soon how it is.

Bartley, Goodbye

Today would have been my grandfather's 94th birthday. He died almost two years ago. He stayed with my parents for the last two years of his life. His burial plot was in his hometown not theirs. Don't think I didn't panic just a tad that the plane wouldn't get him but that's another story.

The funeral came and went as we said our goodbyes to those who had tried their best to be nice and caring to a man that tended to be a bit on the grumpy side. After that we said goodbye to the sleepy little town that I don't see myself visiting again. We'd spent time there as kids. Not so much as we grew up and had families of our own. Taking off to travel by car, even by air you have to drive several hours to get there, would be cumbersome. Now that he is gone there is no reason to go back.

Times here were spent ridding my grandparents' lawn of dandelions. One dollar a bucket--and we couldn't be sneaky and try to "fluff them up" to get the bucket fuller faster. Grandpa was smart. He used his big hand and pressed them down so you could pick a few more.
My sister and I vied for the one extra fishing pole by being the first to catch the bait. Seething green grasshoppers with their tar encrusted drool. Carp and crappies were the catch. Thank God they never made me clean them. My little brother ended up with the fishing gene. He even went fishing nearby before heading home. What is funny about this picture is that is not his dog. He preferred my brother to the one he came with.
When we were younger the town had an IGA. We were able to get some snacks there , as Grandpa only believed in two meals a day. Breakfast and supper.
There was a Teeter's drugstore for a while. Then run by Ruthie Teeter. We were distant relatives of her's in some sort of way and we loved her. She always welcomed us in and asked us how we were and what we were doing "these days". She had some neat things to buy. It also kept us occupied and out of trouble.

There was a library on one side. I think it's still there but was not open when we were in town. Somewhere in there was a Mexican cafe but we never went in. Grandpa didn't believe in eating out and we usually only had pocket change.
We spent a lot of time in the park. It was a block wide and a block long.
Sometimes we attended church here with Grandma.
I was told by my dad that he attended school here for a while...
I think Bartley is the smallest town I've ever been in for any length of time. We had some really good times there. I'm glad I have some pictures to remember them by.

Shoes Please--Hold the meat

Today's post is going to be very short. Our router decided to check out for a bit sometime yesterday. I didn't discover it until around 930pm last night because I was trying to give my kids the attention they deserve. Let's face it, sometimes the computer (and all of you awesome bloggers) draw me in and I forget the time for a bit. I feel pretty proud of myself for trouble shooting it all by my lonesome today--especially since school starts tomorrow for me.

Speaking of school. My supplies are in order...
Textboooks--check, computer--check, year's supply of tissues--check check (plenty more where those came from). Why tissues you ask? Because I hate school--teachers if you are reading this I'm sorry. I just get really stressed out about succeeding. I get nervous that I will be less than average--even if I do all of my homework and reading assignments. It's just a lot for me to take on.

Oh and there's this...
Because for some unknown reasons my inner self believes I MUST be eating while doing schoolwork . "Honey, does this class make my butt look big?"

Wish me luck folks. I'm going to need that. Oh and if you are praying folks--throw a lot of those in too. I would sure appreciate some help in balancing this with all of the other going on's in my life.

Now then. Thank you for allowing me to divert from the title of this post for a second. I just well, had to get that out there.

I went to one of those shoe sites tonight, at the recommendation of a couple of my co-workers. I need some shoes. I need choices. I need wides. So, I went out to one of them and started perusing shoes. I think I must be behind the times because I saw the strangest thing out there. I was narrowing down the choices so I didn't have to look at 4,000 shoes and one of the choices was. Well, not leather I can tell you that. HA! It was VEGAN! Where have I been? When did this happen? When did non-leather shoes become something other than synthetic or man-made? Is this a new term or does something really set them apart to be categorized as vegan? Please, if you know the answer to this. Let me know. I've got to know.

A Hit! Finally!!!

My local grocer has started selling pizza dough. In the deli section. It's great. You can get pizza dough that you don't have to thaw now. Last night I made pizza but tonight I got creative and made a Stromboli like thing. The fact that I cooked at all this week is big because usually when my husband is on evening shift I am the short order cook for the kids. I don't cook stuff because they don't "require" it. By that I mean they don't really eat anything I cook. They are macaroni and cheese-cheese sandwich-hamburger types.

After tonight I've decided the less ingredients the recipe calls for the better they like it. Now I didn't think to take start to finish pictures because honestly I was making it up as I went along. I browned some ground beef, drained it and threw in some chopped onions.
Then I threw in some of this. Now I actually bought this for grilling burgers but I have to admit when I opened the lid the first time I didn't quite care for the smell. Eh, I'm test cooking tonight so let's try it. So I shook this in. I stirred and tasted and well, hey I liked it. So I threw in some more. It's got a bit of salt, some red bell pepper and some garlic. It says spices too but how generic is that? Anyway, it added a good flavor.
Then I rolled out the dough into a rectangle and sprinkled some of the meat in and then threw on some shredded mozzarella and then topped that with some sliced turkey pepperoni. After that I overlapped the edges and did some nipping and tucking. As a finishing touch I brushed it with some olive oil and sprinkled it with Parmesan cheese. I baked it at 450 for 20 minutes. Here's what it looked like after my oldest son, me and my daughter got a hold of it. Yes, amazingly enough my daughter even liked it. The future pilot? Well...
He likes his recipes a little slimmed down. Tonight? He discovered he LOVES flour. His words not mine. I think he got his taste buds from his dad's side of the family. Juuuuust kidding honey.
I won't knock it. He likes to do dishes. No matter how hard it is to reach the sink.
He LOVES to wash any and everything. My servant in training. My mom calls him a neat nik. He translates that to nick-knack.
Ah. I shall treasure this (and blackmail him when he's a bit older).But the blueberry muffins? The one I made from over at PW's post? My daughter says they taste like a junkyard. :( I swear, I followed the recipe to a T. Well, I didn't make the sauce but they are good. Just ask my parents. Oh and my first born son.
Oh and me. I mean "I" count don't I?
But back to my daughter. "They taste like a junkyard? Just how do she know that? I probably don't want to know. So we'll leave it at that.

DNA Saves the Day for Plaguing Poo

Okay, I'm not sure why but I've been listening to the all news radio station for like a week straight now. I don't know if I'm craving human chatter or what but that is what I've been listening to. Maybe it's because of all the hype on politics and me thinking that after trying to tune it out for this long it might be time for me to start really listening to the he said she said crap that to me sounds like a bunch of whiny children. Sorry if I offend but well, I just feel like the time and money could be better spent trying to actually prove to us all what they can do rather than spending their money showing us what the other candidate has done or is doing wrong.

Where was I going with this post. Oh right. So I was on the way to work this morning and I heard a segment on dog fecal matter. I thought okay, it is like 5 something in the morning and I did just drive like 45 minutes in the car not really remembering much in my sleepy state of mind but this. THIS I did remember. Oh and to prove it to you here is the link to read for yourself. To reward or punish that is the question. I'm sorry but this just made me laugh a bit. Gives new meaning to animal control to be sure.

Sisters. Share the Love

So if you happen to read the comments to any of my posts you might know that my sister announced publicly that she was sending me a box. So what", you may say but you see my sister, she lives in another country. Yes, my best friend and neighbor, packed up and moved, and left me here alone and dejected. Well, not exactly alone, and okay maybe not exactly dejected but I was sad. SAD I tell you.

She's my little sis. Not to be confused with my big sis. I will try not to rub it in too hard that people always think she's older. Heh, heh. HEY she deserves that jab! I mean what I'm about to show you might seem cute to some of you but let me tell you something. IT IS NOT CUTE WHEN YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH WHAT I ENDURED THIS SUMMER!!!

Anyway, I got home from a lunch meeting with some old friends and I find a box on my counter. I quickly see that it is from my sister. International mail leaves little to the imagination. They make you TELL what is inside. My heart sank when I saw "toys" on the label. I instantly remembered my daughter has a birthday coming up and, as usual, my sister enjoys the trait of punctuality. Certainly, clearly, this box is not for me. I just "came my way".

So I open the box and in it are a few tissue wrapped items. Each with labels. One had MY NAME ON IT! Oh joy! Christmas in September! A present for me! And then. Well. I opened it. And. This. Is. Um. What. What I saw...
!!!! Do you know what that is? Let me give you a creepy little close up.
ACK!!!! I never ever ever ever wanted to see one of those things again! Do you think her begging me to post my poem was a segway to her evil little set up? Oh if she were here I would take her to the ground and sit upon her until she couldn't breathe. Believe me. That wouldn't take long.

Anyway, lucky for her she sent this too...
and luckily I like peas. And sisters. Both of 'em. (just in case my big sister finds this blog some day. She's my big sister after all and she hits hard!)

So lil sis. Yuck to the icky stuffed thing. Again I just have to ask, "Why do people out there try and make these nasty little varmints cute?" They really are from the devil. Ain't no way MY GOD created them. I do thank you very much though for the sweet sentimental book. Oh and the kids thank you for their goodies too. (Handwritten thank-you's will be there by well, maybe Christmas. After all I'm cheap, and lazy.)

Uh....WHAT is THAT?!!

Yesterday was pretty exhausting for me. Today I didn't set the alarm and was still up by 7:30. My daughter and I went off to church and hurried back so hubby could mow the lawn. I didn't envy him having to do that in this heat.

I tried really hard to busy myself with tasks so I would stay awake--have to be on watch with those kids of mine. I started reading blogs to try and amuse myself when I found myself getting too tired. I got a surge of energy and decided to vacuum a few rooms. I wasn't amused to find this on the carpet of one of the rooms I was going to vacuum...

Maybe you can't see it come closer...
That top thing is the rudder of an airplane. My first thought was epoxy? Which sent shivers down my spine because how on earth am I going to remove THAT from carpet??? I took a closer look and nervously took a whiff.
Odd. Too pale to be peanut butter and it smelled faintly of lotion. Too subtle to be anything I recognized right off. I am trying to be really calm about the whole thing while gently asking questions of the future pilot. "Buddy? What is this on the floor? Little love? What is this? Hey, sweetie, did you SPILL something here?"

See I'm reading this new book. I had a doozie of a day a few weeks back and was still feeling bad about it. I just happened to see this book on the shelf in a bookstore and thought maybe it was time to try and reign in some of the emotions, that come over me when I am trying to deal with my rambunctious children.
Now, I should be farther along in it than I am but so far I am just feeling good to know that I am not alone. That I'm not the only one who loses my cool. So far the biggest thing I've learned is that MY kids don't MAKE me yell. This should not have been earth shattering news to me but for some reason it was. I mean. I go to work. I get mad. I don't scream at the top of my lungs at people that annoy me or make me mad. Yet, I go home and unleash piercing blood curdling sound effects on two of the most precious people in my life. So, yea. I need this book.

Oh and the stuff on the floor?
So, a milestone. I kept my cool. I stayed in control. One for mom. Zero for drama.