Day One- Again

I fell off the wagon again. This has got to be like the one thousandth time. Dieting has never come easy to me. Self-control? I'm surprised I know how to spell it. I'm not sure when it happened this time. Maybe it was a party where I had just one more sliver of this or that. Maybe it was a rainy day curled up with a good book. Maybe it was that full-on take of the kids' Halloween candy. No wait, it was quite a while before that. So today I started over--again. I'm grumpy, I'm hungry, my mouth is empty. But it doesn't matter because I get another chance to start over.

I don't really have a solid plan right now. I have set a healthy calorie limit using a calculator found at EatingWell. Right now I'm going to concentrate on journaling what I eat. I found free journal log pages at WebMD. You don't even have to sign up for anything. They just let you in. For free. I'm not going to count fat. Though I AM going to try NOT to live on unhealthy snacks. So that's it. Starting over.

Isn't it good that we can start over when we mess up? My dieting woes are much like my walk with the Savior. It doesn't matter how hard I pray in the morning that I will be a good servant and walk with Him as if He is watching always (and He is) I almost always do one or several things that are not becoming of the Christ I crave to portray.

Lately there's a new pebble causing discomfort for me. My pondering of the day touched on it last night. I don't feel like I am there for people. I think I let my human side, my pride, get in the way of so many friendships. I find myself too afraid to invite people over because I feel like my house is never clean enough. I put other things in front of visiting people who's company I crave because there is always just one more load of laundry to be done, one more errand to run, one more task that needs to be accomplished. I've unopened so many doors to great friendships being scared that something else will suffer. Afraid that something won't go right. Afraid that the "real" me will not be the someone they thought I was. I've hermatized myself to the point of real fear. So along with working on my weight I'm going to work on putting other people first. And who knows? Maybe if I spend more time cultivating friendships I'll spend less time wondering what I could be eating.