Wallowing Deep

I joined a fitness boot camp through the gym at work. I've known for quite some time that I've needed to do something with the "temple" I was made caretaker of. Five years ago I lost a total of 38 pounds on Weight Watchers. Somewhere between there and the birth of my third child in '05 I gained it all back, and according to the scale today, more.

Yesterday the boot camp "officials" did an initial assessment of measurements and I was made to perform crunches and push-ups. I couldn't do nearly as many crunches as I thought I'd be able to. I could not do one single push-up. Not one. Not even a sissy push-up. It really bothered me.

I don't know why it bothered me but it did. I've never in my life been able to do a push-up of any kind. I'm 40 now and everything just seems harder. I've hit that point where I need to get serious about taking care of myself. I was so depressed on the way home that I was calling people to get sympathy. As God would have it no one was answering. By the time I did get through to one of my friends it had become comical. She reminded me that the reason I joined this camp was to GET fit. I intend to do that too.

Don't get me wrong I'm not looking for a supermodel figure. I'm a mom and I don't believe I have to look like a hot little number to feel good about myself. I do believe that I need to be able to breathe and talk at the same time while upping and downing the stairs. I also believe that if my child runs away from me I should be able to catch him (or her)! So, Sunday I began Weight Watchers again and I joined a gym. Oh and I plan to go!

I don't intend to make this blog my weight loss journal but I do intend to figure out how to do a counter over at the side so I have some accountability. I'm not entering a starting weight. That would be very embarrassing. I do plan to have a goal loss and I might even challenge myself with said number of push-ups--the sissy kind because come on I'm not a lunatic! --and no wearing two socks of different colors does NOT mean you are one minute shy of the nut house. Yet.

So, if anyone knows of any free little gadgetry that will allow me to enter my starting goal of pounds loss and where I am each week please let me know. My friend has given me a secret of how to practice my push-ups a little less intensely so I AM going to try them every night. Oh I do hope my walls are forgiving.

Oh and lastly, I'm begging for encouragement. Feel free to send me comments. In my mind I have a long way to go but it's reasonable and it is definitely reachable.

Maid And Butler In Training

The park outing did us all good yesterday. My kids wanted to top the day off with a day at Grandma's but we needed to get home. Daddy had scheduled a day at the range with a buddy. It is good for him to keep in practice and it's too loud for kids so we trucked on home.

Daddy left for the range and the kids really surprised me. I don't think any fights broke out the whole time he was gone. In fact the kids started making offers that both shocked and amazed me.

"May I vacuum the stairs?" asked my daughter. Of course I said yes.
The future pilot, not to be left out or upstaged, announced "I want to sweep."
And sweep...
he did.
I even managed to walk the dog--something I lazily leave for my hubby whenever possible. Of course it was when I was slipping into my dog walking shoes that I noticed this.
I really hope those nice folks at the pizza joint didn't see this.

I Had No Idea...

this existed. Well I mean I knew there was a park here. My husband and I had taken the future pilot one day last year after running errands. We knew they had playing fields and a playground but biking/walking trails? Oh man. How could this place have been just ten minutes down the road from us and me not know it?
I certainly did not know there was water over here!
Definitely not water this beautiful and serene looking.
Ugh, garumph , gasp, huh-huh, um or this ugh er hill. Pretty as it is.
I also didn't know there was this hill that went down waaaay down to more water.
I mean it when I say I KNEW THIS was there.
I mean I have kids and it IS bright yellow
and my kids LOVE playgrounds.
Oh doesn't the future pilot looks dashing in his pilot suit? Or Mav as he likes to be called lately. (Watch Top Gun if that confuses you)
Yet scenery this beautiful... and she is beautiful let me tell you.
Oh the views. Oh wait. How did THAT sneak in here? Oh right. I have kids and every time we passed it they HAD to stop and I dunno...see if it moved? Changed? Revived itself? Hopped on it's little mouse Harley and sped away?
Oh yes but a place to ride. A safe and beautiful place.An awesome place to spend the entire day with my beautiful youngsters and their wonderful daddy. Thank you for suggesting it honey.

Moo No More.

So, I actually snagged the newspaper before my husband. This happens occasionally and usually he gets it back in pristine condition. Sometimes though I multi-task and read and dine at the same time. Like tonight.

I nearly spewed my dinner all over it after reading about this. (Found online to make it easier to digest--I warn you not to partake of anything that might damage your computer while reading this)

The Breast Is Best! PETA Asks Ben & Jerry's to Dump Dairy and Go With Human Milk Instead

Let's just say my diet may get a LOT easier because ain't no way I'd ever agree to purchasing THAT. Is it sad that I trust a cow to eat more conscientiously than a human?


...and people. I don't have breasts on my mind constantly. I promise no breast postings tomorrow.

Excuse me mamm

This afternoon I left work and headed to the radiology center. This was my third trip in six months. The first time I went I was able to joke. "Yes, I just turned 40 and for my birthday I've decided to treat myself to an annual flash and smash." The receptionist looked at me for a moment and then decided it was comical. She said she'd never heard of a mammogram to be termed that way but it was great.

The second time I went in I was only slightly nervous. There was no rushed phone call telling me I needed to come in right away. Just that they wanted to get a few more images of my right side. On my return I told the same receptionist I enjoyed the previous one, three weeks prior, so much that I decided to have another one. I don't know why I joked about it. Maybe my odd sense of humor just jumped out there to mask my nervousness.

Granted these exams caused some discomfort I was not in unbearable pain so it was easy enough to listen to their orders and strike the poses they wished. During my second more thorough exam I must admit gripping bars this way and that embarrassed me a bit. I wondered if Hugh Heffner ever thought to centerfold a mammogram session. Again, my odd sense of humor showing it's self. Only this time I didn't let it escape my mouth. Assured that everything checked out fine I was informed that I would need to return again in six months. So much for an "annual" exam.

Today when I arrived I had to wait a bit longer. The waiting area is pleasant enough but the uncertainty of results for those among the waiting had me afraid to make eye contact for fear I'd see fear looking back at me. There are doors on both sides of the waiting area. I'd only been through one door. I suspect the door I had not yet entered led to follow ups or consultation rooms. Perhaps for those who had received less fortunate news.

I obviously waited far too long because my mind wandered to places it really shouldn't have. I was finally led back to a small room to change into a gown an prepare for my exam. I waited. Distress brought prose.

"If they find cancer there, will I be brave enough to ask for prayer?"

My thought was how on earth would I be able to add myself to a prayer list without feeling that people all around would be feeling sorry for me or avoiding me? Not even diagnosed and I was already living out the drama. Crumbling beneath my interior.

Eventually I was called in for imaging. It hurt this time. More than the last time. I wanted to ask if that was normal. Another wait and I was asked to come in for one last picture. It was even more painful. I wanted to gasp a breath but I could not breathe. You must not breathe. When I was finally allowed to breathe I was afraid to. When they were done I waited. This time the waiting area seats just two and I am not alone. I am aching and want to cradle my bosom but I can't. I'm not alone. I wish desperately for them to call her name so I can some how try to ease the pain I am feeling. The technician returns and says they want to get a sonogram. They explain it's precautionary since they did not have one on file from the last time but nonetheless an alarm starts to sound in my head.

By the time I was lead to the sono room and hour and a half had passed from my initial appointment time. The technician was comforting and soothing and explained that after she took some images the doctor would be in to see me as well. Panic again. What aren't they telling me? It was ten minutes between the time she went to get the doctor and they returned. In less than ten minutes, after the doctor arrived, I was told everything looked fine. I was fine. I let the words sink in. "I" was fine.

In the span of that two hours I had choked back tears at least four times. I found it stressful, uncomfortable, a bit embarrassing, and in the last session of the "flash and smash" excruciatingly painful. I was apologized to over and over again for the wait. I wonder if they knew I felt dread. It's not something to take lightly or ignore. Is it painful? Sure. Is it worth it? Absolutely. It isn't something any woman, or man, looks forward to but early detection is the key.

October is national Breast Cancer Awareness month. The disease has and will affect many. The medical community has come a long way in beating this horrible disease. As October fast approaches please take a moment to think of ways you show your support. I've listed a few nationally recognized places below where you can get involved.

Susan G. Komen for the Cure

National Breast Cancer Foundation, Inc

Above all remember the most important thing you can do for yourselves and those you love is to schedule and keep your annual exams.

Ni Hao! (and stuff)

Last week I was cleaning off my desk at work--I usually only do that when I get mad and swear I'm not ever going back. Of course somehow reality sets in and I remember that I CAN'T quit because I have spent too much money, and am now being held accountable for caving to my (and my kids') every whim.

So, I was cleaning off my desk and found this fortune from a past Chinese fortune cookie. The saying made me laugh because I'm sure I saved it thinking I needed to have it around propel me to a new job. But I started thinking how it might motivate someone else more so.

Say for instance, a woman who's been in labor for 15 hours and is now waiting to get to that long awaited step...
I got this one yesterday and oh how I thought myself worthy to receive it. You see I had just my daughter with me and so all of my attention was focused on her and her alone. Okay maybe some of it was focused on the delicious Chinese meal before me but 90 percent of it was focused on my lip-smacking-open mouth-chewing-finger licking daughter in front of me.

I could take the lip smacking and open mouth chewing but when they handed us the steaming hot towels and she began to bathe her arms, neck and entire face in it I was, well, wanting to crawl under the table and stay there until the restaurant closed. So to me this fortune helped me reign in my steam and replace it with patience as I reminded her softly how we are to behave in such a place.
My daughter got a fortune too. She rendered it useless. Me? I found it would have been perfect for me today.

The future pilot and I were doing errands. At the top of the list was finding myself a good pair of running shoes. Do you like them?
Don't they make my feet look small and dainty? Like a princess?
No? Okay, I'm really glad you didn't say it out loud. Or if you did that I couldn't HEAR you say it. I really should stop kidding myself. A size 9 and a HALF WWWIDE is not small and dainty. But if I close my eyes and think hard I can almost imagine slipping my soft and slender unbarnacled toes into the size 7 I wore before kids (and barnacles).

After we got the shoe shopping out of the way, got a bite to eat AND Starbucks coffee--because now that I am seriously trying to quit, the future pilot has decided he is a coffee drinker. Relax people. It was decaf. I also cut it with quite a bit of milk. After all of those stops we went to the pond nearby to check out fish, turtles, frogs and snakes--should there be any to see.

Fish-check, turtles-check, frogs-check check check (prolific little things), snake-no check (thank you God).

It was a perfect day for this. The sun was out. The crisp fall breeze blowing just enough to keep us cool. And then. It happened. The future pilot announced he was STILL dry. "That's wonderful." I said.

I mean what else would I say? He doesn't use the potty. He sits on the potty only before bathtime. Bathtime does not occur every night. No picking on me here. I don't like to torture children and he does act tortured when forced. But he was dry.

Then he announced he needed to go. I was thinking, "Yea, so go." but said, "Hmm, want to go to Grandma's?" (Since she lived close by.) "No." he said. "I fink dey have one here." I told him he was probably right but blew it off. A few minutes passed and he told me he had to go bad. I was thinking, "He didn't already go? Am I missing an opportunity?"

We headed to a bookstore nearby and by land if he didn't perform! That is when I thought, "Oh this fortune works perfectly."
Of course this left me in the middle of a large bookstore and of course the books started sending subliminal messages. "Must buy books. Must buy books." So of course I thought I needed to buy books. I started to read one that was called "My Lobotomy" by Howard Dully. I wanted to read it but it was going to be a sad read and I really need to stop reading sad books because they depress me and that isn't the direction I'm trying to go.

Then I remembered hearing about this book when I was getting my very first pedicure. Nice job don'tcha think? Especially since this was done over a month ago.
So this is the book I ended up purchasing for myself.
I'll let you know soon how it is.

Bartley, Goodbye

Today would have been my grandfather's 94th birthday. He died almost two years ago. He stayed with my parents for the last two years of his life. His burial plot was in his hometown not theirs. Don't think I didn't panic just a tad that the plane wouldn't get him but that's another story.

The funeral came and went as we said our goodbyes to those who had tried their best to be nice and caring to a man that tended to be a bit on the grumpy side. After that we said goodbye to the sleepy little town that I don't see myself visiting again. We'd spent time there as kids. Not so much as we grew up and had families of our own. Taking off to travel by car, even by air you have to drive several hours to get there, would be cumbersome. Now that he is gone there is no reason to go back.

Times here were spent ridding my grandparents' lawn of dandelions. One dollar a bucket--and we couldn't be sneaky and try to "fluff them up" to get the bucket fuller faster. Grandpa was smart. He used his big hand and pressed them down so you could pick a few more.
My sister and I vied for the one extra fishing pole by being the first to catch the bait. Seething green grasshoppers with their tar encrusted drool. Carp and crappies were the catch. Thank God they never made me clean them. My little brother ended up with the fishing gene. He even went fishing nearby before heading home. What is funny about this picture is that is not his dog. He preferred my brother to the one he came with.
When we were younger the town had an IGA. We were able to get some snacks there , as Grandpa only believed in two meals a day. Breakfast and supper.
There was a Teeter's drugstore for a while. Then run by Ruthie Teeter. We were distant relatives of her's in some sort of way and we loved her. She always welcomed us in and asked us how we were and what we were doing "these days". She had some neat things to buy. It also kept us occupied and out of trouble.

There was a library on one side. I think it's still there but was not open when we were in town. Somewhere in there was a Mexican cafe but we never went in. Grandpa didn't believe in eating out and we usually only had pocket change.
We spent a lot of time in the park. It was a block wide and a block long.
Sometimes we attended church here with Grandma.
I was told by my dad that he attended school here for a while...
I think Bartley is the smallest town I've ever been in for any length of time. We had some really good times there. I'm glad I have some pictures to remember them by.