Delights and Dilemmas: Ni Hao! (and stuff)

Last week I was cleaning off my desk at work--I usually only do that when I get mad and swear I'm not ever going back. Of course somehow reality sets in and I remember that I CAN'T quit because I have spent too much money, and am now being held accountable for caving to my (and my kids') every whim.

So, I was cleaning off my desk and found this fortune from a past Chinese fortune cookie. The saying made me laugh because I'm sure I saved it thinking I needed to have it around propel me to a new job. But I started thinking how it might motivate someone else more so.

Say for instance, a woman who's been in labor for 15 hours and is now waiting to get to that long awaited step...

I got this one yesterday and oh how I thought myself worthy to receive it. You see I had just my daughter with me and so all of my attention was focused on her and her alone. Okay maybe some of it was focused on the delicious Chinese meal before me but 90 percent of it was focused on my lip-smacking-open mouth-chewing-finger licking daughter in front of me.

I could take the lip smacking and open mouth chewing but when they handed us the steaming hot towels and she began to bathe her arms, neck and entire face in it I was, well, wanting to crawl under the table and stay there until the restaurant closed. So to me this fortune helped me reign in my steam and replace it with patience as I reminded her softly how we are to behave in such a place.

My daughter got a fortune too. She rendered it useless. Me? I found it would have been perfect for me today.

The future pilot and I were doing errands. At the top of the list was finding myself a good pair of running shoes. Do you like them?

Don't they make my feet look small and dainty? Like a princess?

No? Okay, I'm really glad you didn't say it out loud. Or if you did that I couldn't HEAR you say it. I really should stop kidding myself. A size 9 and a HALF WWWIDE is not small and dainty. But if I close my eyes and think hard I can almost imagine slipping my soft and slender unbarnacled toes into the size 7 I wore before kids (and barnacles).

After we got the shoe shopping out of the way, got a bite to eat AND Starbucks coffee--because now that I am seriously trying to quit, the future pilot has decided he is a coffee drinker. Relax people. It was decaf. I also cut it with quite a bit of milk. After all of those stops we went to the pond nearby to check out fish, turtles, frogs and snakes--should there be any to see.

Fish-check, turtles-check, frogs-check check check (prolific little things), snake-no check (thank you God).

It was a perfect day for this. The sun was out. The crisp fall breeze blowing just enough to keep us cool. And then. It happened. The future pilot announced he was STILL dry. "That's wonderful." I said.

I mean what else would I say? He doesn't use the potty. He sits on the potty only before bathtime. Bathtime does not occur every night. No picking on me here. I don't like to torture children and he does act tortured when forced. But he was dry.

Then he announced he needed to go. I was thinking, "Yea, so go." but said, "Hmm, want to go to Grandma's?" (Since she lived close by.) "No." he said. "I fink dey have one here." I told him he was probably right but blew it off. A few minutes passed and he told me he had to go bad. I was thinking, "He didn't already go? Am I missing an opportunity?"

We headed to a bookstore nearby and by land if he didn't perform! That is when I thought, "Oh this fortune works perfectly."

Of course this left me in the middle of a large bookstore and of course the books started sending subliminal messages. "Must buy books. Must buy books." So of course I thought I needed to buy books. I started to read one that was called "My Lobotomy" by Howard Dully. I wanted to read it but it was going to be a sad read and I really need to stop reading sad books because they depress me and that isn't the direction I'm trying to go.

Then I remembered hearing about this book when I was getting my very first pedicure. Nice job don'tcha think? Especially since this was done over a month ago.